That Girl

I was raised in a Catholic family,  married into a LDS family, and now practice kindness and love of all people.  From day one I fit the part, the small town girl who cooked and cleaned and made the perfect wife.  I was so eager to make him smile, and be his everything.  I was often hurt and frustrated when he wouldn't acknowledge things that were important to me, or buy me a gift for my birthday. I engulfed myself in being a mom.  I loved being a mom, if I was a good mom, and had my kids everything would be okay.  Our hearts were never in the same place.  At a young age I was very career driven and money hungry, but as we added each child into our life I began realizing that money wouldn't make our "happy."  He tasted the power and feeling of having money and ran with it, it consumed him.  Family events dropped drastically on his list of priorities, and our relationship began to suffer.  Although it didn't feel right, I continued to stand behind him for 8 years, I rarely questioned.  At that point I lost my father in a tragic accident, and received inheritance.  In the eyes of everyone who knew us, our life was falling into place.  We sold our home and began building our dream home.  We took over the business my father had ran for 13 years.  We were the beautiful couple, with the perfect little children.  Those are some of the words that changed my point of view.  Every person who knew us as a couple is shocked to hear of our parting.  People can't believe that we could possibly have problems.  As I interact with people now I hope to help them feel comfortable and know they don't have to be strong, it's okay to be defeated and vent.  When I finally realized that it had to be done, and began picking up the pieces of my broken heart, I knew that I had given what I could.  I admitted to mistakes that I had made, but I patted myself on the back for the fight that I had fought.  That eager girl is gone.  A compassionate, but cautious girl replaced her.  I know there is someone out there that will deserve to earn that eager girl, but he is going to have to work for it.  The girl that suppressed her happiness thinking she was helping her children has faded.  A girl who wants to raise wholesome people took her place,  I want my sons to see a man respect their mother.  I want my Sweet Pea to know what she is looking for when she sees a man look upon her mother with love and adoration.  That beautiful blond that bounced around like a little ball of energy has turned into a woman who carries herself with pride and confidence knowing that she is worth the best.